Love That Was Lost
by Lamanth
Summary: ONE SHOT – It is so hard to lose someone you love to an untimely death, but it is perhaps harder to watch the one you love grieve that lose. [KaiMimiSal]


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Beyblade or any of its characters, merchandise, TV rights, ect… (I think you get the point.) Nor do I own the song 'Who Wants To Live Forever' by Sarah Brightman.

Summery 

ONE SHOT – It is so hard to lose someone you love to an untimely death, but it is perhaps harder to watch the one you love grieve that lose. (Kai/Mimi/Sal)

Like all of my work this is just something that happened to float through the empty void inside my head. Like it or hate it please R and R as honest opinions are always welcomed, as are random acts of worship.

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Lamb: Well this started out as something else and was then taken back out and reworked until the end result was this. 

_Dedi:_ Whatever this may be.

Lamb: Uh-huh, And I have now it the big 9 0 with this post! Yep that's right this is number 90, (dances) anyway I want to say a big thanks to JD and Squish for keeping Muse in a box while I wrote the end of this.

**Muse:** I will get them for that.

_Dedi:_ Shut up.

Lamb: I dread to think how it would had ended if they hadn't been keep an eye on him.

_Dedi:_ So do I. Anyway this fic is dedicated to **dong-chun-mei** because she is an amazing person and a very loyal reviewer and we wanted to let her know how much we appreciate her. So **dong-chun-mei** this is for you.

Lamb: As always sorry for any bad spelling and if you feel the need to throw things at me please wait until I've hidden behind the sofa kay!?

M**use: **On with the fic!

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_And down the waterfall,  
Wherever it may take me,  
I know that life won't break me,  
When I come to call,  
She won't forsake me,  
I'm loving angels instead,_

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**Love That Was Lost**

She looked like a small, frightened child he thought, standing straight-backed, her head held high but her colour so pale that her skin was almost white. Her eyes were dark liquid pools that looked like more like deep holes, but they were dry without the slightest shimmer of a tear. Kai closed his eyes against the pain that was evident in her voice, which rang out clear and bright into the warm still air. Her words washed over him, managing to make his heart leap while at the same time he felt some small part of him curl up and wither in the cold of his grief.

_There's no time for us,  
There's no place for us,  
What is this thing that builds our dreams,  
Yet slips away from us._

A billion images flashed across his mind's eye and once again he looked up, focusing on the small figure that stood alone in front of the full church. She was dressed in a white halter-neck style summer dress edged in icy blue, with her vibrant azure hair falling freely over her bare shoulders. He allowed his orbs to momentarily glance at the coffin where it stood before he returned his eyes to Ming-Ming and felt the pain stab through him once again. A shaft of sunlight was streaming through one of the stained glass windows and painted the stone at Ming-Ming's feet with a vivid mosaic of bright colours.

A tidal wave of emotions flooded through him as he watched the petite young singer; the grief he felt at the passing of Salima Kelson was like a physical wound, she had always been one of his closest friends. When he had needed to talk, it was to Salima he would go. But Kai also felt saddened that he could not share the pain of the distraught bluenette, for though he had lost one of his best friends, Ming-Ming seemed to have lost a part of her very self. And still through the misery there was his desire to have the grieving girl for his own, and it was a fact that sickened him.

_Who wants to live forever,  
Who wants to live forever, ...?_

As the last note faded away Ming-Ming closed her eyes and lowered her head, unable to stand the looks on the faces of those watching her. Flowers filled the church, and their sickly sweet scent made her want to gag. With no reason to stand as she was any longer, she opened her eyes and moved to stand beside the open coffin. The world seemed to fall away as she looked down. All the faces, with their looks of disapproval at her calm composure faded into the distance. Time slowed down until she fancied could feel the earth spin beneath her feet.

It was the same as it had been that morning when she heard the terrible words spoken to her. Dead? No Salima could not be dead. She had been the eye of the storm, while the world crashed and spun around her, she remained still and quiet.

The words had not sunk in, and it was like living in a dream. She saw the grief and pain of those around her, but was separated from it by some invisible wall, just as she had always felt separated from everyone, everyone except for the one person of whom she had almost been an extension. They had always said that they were one person in two bodies, and the question was, how did you say goodbye to part of yourself? In hardly more than whispers, she began to sing the song once more, only now she sang to the friend who had gone where words could not follow.

_There's no chance for us,  
It's all decided for us,  
This world has only one sweet moment,  
Set aside for us._

She tilted her head to one side, like some small bird, as she stared down at the pale heart shaped face of the girl who had known her best in the world. Her honey orbs were devoid of their normal warmth but were dry, still devoid of even the hint of tears. A slight smile played on her lips as she continued to watch her girlfriend with wide slightly curious eyes. For as long as she could remember they had always been together, the best of friends, but _when_ that friendship had begun to deepen, she could not say. Her small hands with their slender fingers gripped tightly to the edge of the open coffin, the only hint of her underlying emotion being the whitening of her knuckles. She wanted to reach out and prod the girl who lay as if asleep on the creamy satin lining, to pinch or slap her until she opened her eyes - vivid silver - and climbed from the box she was to young to have.

_Who wants to live forever,  
Who wants to live forever, ...?_

Salima was clad in a simple white silk dress that came to her mid calf with thin straps that went over her shoulders and crossed at her back, so similar to the one she herself now wore. It had been her favourite dress, the bluenette knew, she remembered the redhead laughing as she twirled on the spot, the fabric whispering round her bare legs and then reaching out her hands to Ming-Ming and spinning with her in her arms. Only she wasn't twirling now and she would never laugh again. She was lying in a vile wooden crate and it felt wrong. Honey eyes traced over every inch of the slender girl of twenty-one; drinking in every detail of her peaceful form. Her hair, a mass of wild, unbrushed scarlet strands, was loose and fanned across the pillow that supported her head. Her hands with their delicate bones were placed on her chest over one long-stemmed rose of pure snowy white. She looked like a sleeping angel.

_Now touch my tears with your lips,  
Touch my world with your fingertips,  
And we can have forever,  
And we can love forever,  
Forever is our today._

And then she did reach out to the girl whose life had been snatched away all too soon. First she brought the fingers of her right hand to her lips and kissed them and then placed the fingers to the frozen lips of the only lover she ever wanted to know. Then she moved her hand onwards, gently caressing the cool ivory cheek, and she gave a small gasp at how cold her friend was to the touch. It hit her then that it really was the end. Her Salima was not just sleeping, but had really gone. She felt the tears that had been building over the past four days swell like a wave in a storm and crash down upon her.

_Who wants to live forever,  
Who wants to live forever, ...?  
Who waits forever anyway?_

The first gut wrenching sob was torn from her throat with violent pain, the second close behind. She cared not that she was stood at the front of the church, with around a hundred people looking towards her and the coffin. Cared about nothing except the fact that her best friend was gone and there was nothing she could do to bring her back. Convulsion after convulsion shook her small frame until her grip on the coffin gave way and she collapsed on to the cold hard stone. On her knees she rocked back and forth her arms wrapped tightly around her torso as she gave vent to the grief that had consumed her every waking moment since she discovered her bright redhead had departed from the world.

In an instant Kai was beside her, wrapping his arms tightly around her trembling form and lifting her from the could unforgiving ground. Murmuring soothing nothings into her ear, he all but carried her to the front row of pews and sat her gently beside him. Ming-Ming buried her head into his chest and sobbed silently, clutching tightly to the fabric of his shirt as if she feared she would be swept away if she relaxed her hold.

Kai tried to concentrate on the coffin that stood mere feet from him, to focus on the loss of the friend who lay within and to block out all thought of the girl he held in his arms. But it was impossible, and from the dark recess of his mind came a silken voice saying how _good_ it felt to hold her and wasn't this what he had always wanted? And again his stomach writhed as though some serpent coiled and twisted within his gut, and he was filled with self-disgust.

Ming-Ming was only vaguely aware that it was Kai's strong arms that had snaked around her and picked her up bodily from the floor. It could have been hours or minutes that she spent in his tight embrace, letting meaningless words wash over her. People could say and think what they liked but none of them had known Salima, not as she had known her. For over twenty-one years, they had been part of each other's lives. They had cried over boys, and laughed over beers. There had been no secret between them, no look that the other did not understand.

Ming-Ming wondered if there was another person in the whole world who would ever look at her the way that Salima had. A slight smile on her heart shaped face, and sliver orbs dancing with fire that said, "You are mine, and I'm so proud of you." And now who was there to be proud of her? No member of her family would acknowledge her existence. Furious when she had dropped out of school at sixteen to pursue her dream of becoming a singer, her success only served to earn her more enmity from her own kin. It had always been Salima who had been there, offering her support and strength, but now she was gone forever and Ming-Ming was alone.

Kai looked at the top of the girl's head. Her sobs had passed and now tears slipped silently down her cheeks as she stared unseeingly the middle distance. It could have been so different, he told himself, if only he had been able to admit how he felt sooner. But he hadn't and so he had lost out on what he had wanted most.

The dark pool of memory washed over Kai and he saw himself again, as he had been that day. A normally moody eighteen year old, smiling with self-realisation as he moved swiftly through the entrance to the park the short grass springy underfoot. He had it all planned out; he would tell Salima first and enlist her help, for who knew better than she did what Ming-Ming's reaction would be? He had headed straight for the small lake, knowing that she would be there watching the ducklings make their first attempts at swimming. As soon as he spotted her, he had called out and Salima had turned her face wreathed in smiles her eyes dancing and that magnificent mane of scarlet glinting in the sun. As soon as he was close enough she was upon him, half-laughing in her delight.

"Kai it's amazing. It really is. I can't believe I could have been so blind not to see, but it doesn't matter now. Not now, cus we've finally realised and it's all so perfect." Salima's face was shinning with some inner radiance as she smiled up at her friend.

"Umm…that's good, I guess," Kai had said, completely confused and bursting with his own news, "But what are you talking about?"

Salima had thrown back her head laughing with pleasure, and so infectious was the sound that Kai and found himself smiling too. "It's Ming-Ming and I." she had said her eyes dancing with happiness. "We're together."

_Together, together, together …_ the word rebounded around the inside of his head, and with an effort Kai dragged himself out of the past and the pain of that moment. On that day he had sworn that he would never tell anyone what his feelings towards Ming-Ming were, and when Salima had asked him what he had wanted to tell her, he had just shrugged it off as nothing important. But try as he might, he had not been able to rid himself of his feelings for the now-weeping girl. If anything over time they had deepened until thoughts of her filled nearly every waking moment, until it bordered on obsession.

Music filled the air once more, a sad lilting sound and Kai watched stonily as the now closed coffin was carefully lifted from its resting place and carried out of the church. He half led, half carried her, until Ming-Ming stepped out into the brilliant warm sunlight that only seemed to mock her pain. And he guided her to the one place she had known that would end up at, the one place she dreaded most of all. The freshly dug grave in the leafy green shade of a tall tree.

Tears continued to run freely down her cheeks, blurring her sight as the coffin was slowly lowered into the ground. With the strength of pure dread she tried to claw her way free from the arms that held her fast, but her energy was all but gone and her attempt to break free went almost unnoticed. She didn't want her Salima to be buried down there, all alone in the cold soil, and tried to fight harder against the grip that held her. But Kai was far too strong for her and he held her until her finally the last of her strength fled her body and she sagged into the embrace.

Words were spoken and people moved around them, and finely they dispersed and went their separate ways but she and her captor did not move. Her eyes were red rimmed and puffy as she looked at the hollow in the ground that would be Salima's resting place till the end of time. For a long time she stood trying to understand … how was she meant to go on, without the person who had seemed to be with her always?

How? How? How? The question ricocheted around the inside of her skull, getting louder and louder, pounding in time with her frantic heart. And then the tears were washing over her once more, wave after wave pouring over her until she thought she must drown in a sea made of her own tears.

Her heart leapt at the thought. Oh yes, please gods, let her drown here and now, and let them cast her body down into the same grave that held her love. Let her fall into the waiting darkness and turn her back on this world that no longer held a source of hope.

But when her tears had passed and strands of azure hair clung to her damp cheeks, she was still standing on the smooth grass at the graveside, and as far from her love as she had ever been. Then Kai's grip on her tightened and she was being led away from the redhead's resting-place. Again she fought and again she was overpowered.

"It's time to go now, Minmin." the deep masculine voice said as she turned her stricken face to look over her shoulder, determined to keep sight of her closest friend up until the last possible moment.

"But…I've got to be with her. We said we'd always be together." Her words were harsh and rasping. And she pulled against him, bringing them both to a stop as she shook her head in denial, fresh tears forming in her eyes as she continued to watch the grave and the mound of earth that was piled to the side of it.

"But you will always be together. She's here," he pressed one hand to her head. "And here." He brought the other to rest over her heart. Biting her lip lower lip, she tore her eyes from the headstone and instead, focused on Kai's face for the first time. The looked in her dark red rimmed eyes was half fear and half hope as he smiled wanly down at her.

"As long as you remember her she will always be with you." Kai said, looking deep into her eyes to see if she understood. Ming-Ming nodded her head and then wrapped her arms around him and buried her head into his chest, trying to blank out the world and all the anguish it held for her.

"She'll always be with you. Always with you." he murmured into the top of her head, and in the confines of his mind he whispered the truth that deeper than any knife ever could. The truth that as long as Salima was with Ming-Ming, that Ming-Ming could never, would never, be with him.

Biting back his own pain, Kai responded to her silent plea for comfort and held her tightly to him, rocking gently with her in his arms. Through the thin fabric of his shirt he could feel the warmth of Ming-Ming's breath on his skin like an exquisite form of torture. He could feel every curve of her body through the soft silk of her dress, and with perfect clarity realised that she must have forgone putting on a bra for he could feel the stiffness of her nipples through the two layers of clothing.

Kai closed his eyes as ever fibre of his being screamed out for the slender girl in his arms. The rich sent of freshly dug earth was all around him and running through it was the soft flowery perfume that Ming-Ming wore, an intoxicating combination that was overruling his self-control. She pressed closer, as if intending to climb inside his very skin, nuzzling her head into the crook of his neck.

She was so warm in his arms. So young so vital. The summer wind blew gently around them and strands of her hair whispered against Kai's face and in that one paralysing second he saw it. He saw himself move with Ming-Ming still in his arms and push her back against the tree in the shade of which they stood. Could imagine the soft rustling her skirt would make as he eased it upwards. Her cries and his, the tight wetness-

Stifling a moan, Kai opened his eyes and forced himself back into the present, even as the tormenting images danced before his minds eyes. He was thoroughly disgusted and revolted at how, when he should be offering the grieving girl comfort, his longing for her over took to the point that he was fantasising about making love to her at the graveside of her lover, his best friend. Shifting his weight slightly Kai pulled her closer and instantly felt Ming-Ming stiffen in his embrace.

Her every muscle taut, Ming-Ming quickly stepped away from him, her arms wrapping tightly around her torso as if to protect herself from attack. Her eyes were wide, their colour darkened by emotion and on her face was a look of horrified disgust. Kai took a step forwards and immediately she recoiled from him as if he were something foul, her eyes momentarily flitting to his groin before returning to his face. In their honey depths, heat burned.

Pain, frustration, sorrow and regret swiftly passed through Kai's eyes as he stood frozen before the only person he had ever loved. His right hand was slightly raised as if he were reaching out for her hand. Time seemed to slow down and a handful of seconds stretched out into eternity, the warm breeze playing in her hair, the sound of the birds singing in the tree overhead and the vivid colour of the flowers that surrounded them. These were all things that struck him in that moment, but overall he was taken aback by how fragile she looked standing there.

And then the spell was broken and the world was rushing past once more. He dropped his hand to his side and opened his mouth, but there was nothing he could say to her now, no way that he could explain everything that he felt, so silent he remained. Ming-Ming watched as he turned and walked away from her, she made no move at all but allowed her eyes to follow his progress until he vanished from sight. And only when she was truly alone did she let her tears fall as she collapsed weeping at Salima's graveside.

Kai heard her first anguished cry of despair as he reached the gate that was set in the wall of the graveyard and felt it tear through his heart like a knife. She was lost to him now, as lost as if she too were laying stone cold in a grave of her own.

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Lamb: And before anyone says anything I know Queen did the song originally, it's just that I like this version better and I want it played at my funeral so there. 

**Muse:** Well I-

Lamb: One more word and you go back in the box!

_Dedi:_ OK. Anyway **dong-chun-mei** we hope you liked it and please let us know what you thought.

Please R and R I'd love to know what you thought.

Big luv see ya

Lamanth


End file.
